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We often hear the phrase: “Never date a man who isn’t feminist.” That makes sense — feminism at its core is about equality, common sense, and breaking hierarchy.
But I want to extend this idea:
Never date a man who is anti-feminine, and never date a woman who has a complete absence of masculinity.
This may sound unpopular, but imbalance — whether in men or women — is the hidden root of patriarchy, inequality, and even some distortions of modern feminism itself.
1. Humans Are Born Half
Masculine and feminine are like the two sides of a coin.
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Masculine energy: action, discipline, structure, agency.
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Feminine energy: empathy, creativity, care, flow.
Each of us is born tilted toward one side, but the goal is not to find another coin to complete us — it is to flip our own coin until we can show both faces ourselves.
Some argue that marriage is how the coin becomes whole: a man and woman join and balance each other. But I reject this.
Marriage is not completion; it’s just two separate coins in the same pocket.
True balance must come from within.
2. Why Balance Matters in Feminism
Feminism without masculinity risks turning into something shallow — more about acceptance than real empowerment.
Without the masculine side (agency, discipline, action), feminism can slip into the idea that “women don’t need to change, it’s only men who need to improve.”
Yes, men must change. But women too must cultivate balance inside themselves. Otherwise, the struggle never ends — the power remains dependent on men’s mercy, not on women’s own strength.
Real power is not loaned. Real power is earned.
When empowerment is borrowed, it looks progressive but remains fragile.
3. The Trap of Modern Serve-and-Demand
In many modern relationships, equality is confused with a serve-and-demand dynamic.
This happens when women expect men to carry the full weight of both worlds:
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Perform all traditionally masculine tasks — fixing things, protecting, providing.
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And also perform traditionally feminine tasks — cooking, cleaning, nurturing.
On the surface, this looks like progress: men are doing “women’s work.” But in reality, it creates a new imbalance. The man becomes both provider and servant, while the woman avoids engaging her own masculine side — her ability to act, build, or take responsibility.
The danger here is that power is still not truly equal. It feels borrowed — granted through the man’s effort rather than earned through shared balance.
Equality is not one side doing everything. Equality is companionship — a partnership where both step up where needed.
Of course, the opposite imbalance is still very common in traditional households, where women are expected to earn and manage all domestic work. But that old struggle is already visible to everyone. The quieter danger today is the new imbalance hidden inside some forms of modern feminism — one that still keeps the coin one-sided.
4. The Cooking Example: A Mirror of Imbalance
Take cooking as an example. Traditionally, it was seen as a feminine role. But now, many women expect men not only to perform masculine tasks (fixing things, protecting, providing) but also to excel in feminine ones (like cooking).
And here comes the irony: when a man cooks, it’s praised as “empowerment for women.” But empowerment borrowed from another is not empowerment — it is loaned power, the kind I’ve explained in detail in my other article The Beautiful Cage: How Society Loans Power to Women and Calls It Freedom.
True power is when you can cook for yourself, fix for yourself, provide for yourself. Otherwise, it’s not freedom — it’s dependency wrapped in applause.
This is the contradiction of modern feminism: demanding men carry both sides of the coin while refusing to flip their own.
Real freedom is when no skill is gendered, no task is sacred, and work is shared without ego.
5. A Note on Nature
Whenever discussions about men and women arise, someone will inevitably point to the animal kingdom. “Look at lions,” they say, “and their female counterparts. Gender roles are natural. Humans are no different.”
This is a tempting comparison, but it’s also misleading. Animals survive through instinct. Their roles are dictated by biology and survival. They don’t question, protest, write laws, create art, or reflect on their purpose. Their lives are bound to instinct.
Humans, on the other hand, are different. We are a species capable of questioning, rebelling, and reshaping our own nature. We don’t have to follow the script of biology. Our roles are not just inherited or imposed — they are chosen.
Our greatness lies in this choice: the ability to favor partnership over dominance, conscious design over blind instinct. The lion is a master of its biology; humans can be masters of their destiny.
We are capable of building a world where identity is not dictated by the brutal simplicity of nature, but by the complex, beautiful balance of a fully developed humanity — one where masculine and feminine energies coexist, integrated within each person.
6. Family Patterns of Imbalance
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Poor or modern-but-conservative families: women carry double burdens — earning money and doing all housework.
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Conservative upper-class families: strict divisions — men earn, women manage home, with no crossover.
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Balanced families (rare): roles are flexible, work is shared naturally without rigid gender lines.
7. Redefining Feminism
For me, feminism is not about serving women at the expense of men, nor about reversing patriarchy by flipping the coin to the other side.
Feminism is about balancing masculine and feminine energies inside every human being.
When the ideals of “perfect man” or “perfect woman” are dissolved, and only the ideal human — balanced and whole — remains, hierarchy disappears.
The future is not male. The future is not female. The future is balanced.
Conclusion
Never date a man who rejects feminism — because equality is common sense.
But also, never date a woman who rejects masculinity — because without balance, feminism itself loses its power.
The struggle between men and women will never end if we keep fighting from one side of the coin. The real revolution begins when each of us flips our own coin, develops both faces, and learns to live as complete human beings.
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